Alone.
Another deep breath. My glasses fog again. A tear headache follows. Focus: How long has it been? Not long. Not according to the calendar. Everyone is doing okay, I’m sure. Me? ‘Yes, all good,’ I practice just in case. The cell phone rings. I reach out — in time.
Supporting health in the confines of “alone” and being “far away” has been the focus of my research and of finding solutions to minimize it. At first, my study was on the impact of isolation when humans are in space. Then it translated to new solutions for families among us who are alone and separated.
In either case, whether feeling alone in space or on earth the feeling disrupts, even damages, our senses, thinking, and physiology. It is also the case that feeling alone is similar to the experience of losing someone. Social isolation, loss, and grieving have similar impacts on our health. Are strategies to cope from these similar too?
It is important that we understand that the strategies for resilience, for ourselves or for others feeling isolated or grieving from loss, are the same. It is also the case that we take action, especially at this time of year — the holidays are a time that can amplify these feelings even more.
Loss.
More than 57% of Americans reported experiencing a major loss over the last three years, according to a study completed before the pandemic.
(From : https://eterneva.com/history-trends/coping-with-loss).
The pandemic has created a sense of loss felt everywhere, casting grey shadows into lives who have lost others and even by those who have not. If you have not experienced the loss of someone dear to you then it’s likely you know another’s loss, or you’ve read about it, heard about it, and sometimes it’s too much to process or imagine and so you turn it off. (It’s even very likely that it’s a greater than 57% chance that you have experienced a major loss over the last three years.) Who were they who touched our lives and meant so much?
(From the report) 32% experienced the loss of a family member or close friend, 20% experienced the death of a pet, 3% experienced the loss of a spouse or partner, and 2% experienced the loss of a child.
(Credit: Eterneva, 2019)
In other words, at the time of this writing, you will likely meet or know someone who is alone from having lost someone they loved. They may be grieving. You may be grieving.
Other losses impact us too. Additional types of losses that set grieving in motion include the loss of a job, home, security, or health. Any combination of the loss of these and loss of a life leaves overall health at risk.
It is not always obvious that feeling isolated or personal loss sometimes results in choosing to withdraw more. While being alone may help you reflect on the value and shared memories you had, extensive grieving alone can hurt you. Grieving, according to the research, is personal in both length of time and depth of pain. But your health matters too.
What to do.
That’s the #1 coping strategy. Connect With Friends And Family: Almost a full 50% of those grieving intensely say spending more time with friends and family is extremely helpful.
What is best when socially isolated is also best for times of loss. Research tells us that what is best is reaching out to close family and friends, those you know care about you, support your happiness, and understand your experience with empathy.
This is the action for both — you who may be alone or grieving, and your close family and friends who see that reaching out is needed. Reach out to others when you need to. Reach out to others who are alone or have lost someone.
(Credit: Eterneva, 2019)
May close family and friends be with you in some way this Holiday Season. It is this time of year when it is more important than even to reach out.
This post is dedicated to our dear family friend
Aero who taught us courage and joy
2007-2021
P.S. Writing this post to you has helped me feel a little better.
I hope it’s helped you in some way too. (MJM)