The Tokyo Olympics provide golden moments where the best get to wear the prized gold medallion and stand on center stage of the platform to receive it. This is how we honor greatness. What we overlook is the heroes’ dilemma; if not remedied, it could be their most fearsome opponent that defeats them.
We love heroes. They are outstanding, have overcome great odds, and have inspired others to do the same. Some of my air and space heroes include Amelia Earhardt, Sally Ride, and Neil Armstrong; their biographies line my bookcase. My other heroes include my late mother, a couple of aunts, my grandmother, and an uncle; while their biographies are written only on my heart, they too went above and beyond to benefit me and helped make me who I am today. But behind the greatness of each lies another side too that was discovered after they passed away. They had each suffered from personal loss, betrayal, and pain that they kept hidden — inside. Their choice was to keep it hidden but I believe it was likely at a great personal cost.
Who are your heroes? Are they today’s Olympians? What about Nobel Laureates, CEO’s, veterans, or the nurse who helped you at the hospital? I’m sure you can add to this list those who are your personal heroes: Your own child going off to college, your best friend who was there for you in the middle of the night — and you too might well be, or have been, a hero to someone.
Stories tell how heroes often keep their personal struggles down and subordinate worry, doubt, and questions about who they really are to keep the better image up. They may reveal to few, if any, who they really are. Does keeping up appearances have a price? An Olympian says it definitely does:
I learned how to be the best in the world by not showing
vulnerability. And that is about one of the most unhealthy
habits you can have…losing this thing that you were
pursuing, and that really was your identity.
(From: Getting Over Gold: Athletes and Mental Health)
We put our heroes on a high platform to honor their strength, bravery, and wisdom.
But at an invisible level, it is an unbalanced platform. Heroes need more than the grandstands we put them on; they need safety nets from us too. They need ways to cope with the stress of striving to be perfect. We must not deny that they are made of more than being a great dragon-slayer, gladiator, healer, or other action figure — they are human, with identities and dreams, experiences and need for connection. If we knew they were human and not always winning, would we still love them? This is what they want to believe.
All heroes, from astronauts stepping on the Moon to our child going away to college, from Olympians of the world to youth in local school competitions, from your family to your colleagues and maybe for you too — there is an insufferable weight to bear when you feel you are expected to do it all, perfectly, all the time, and still keep smiling. The heroes’ dilemma cannot be ignored: The most dangerous dragons a hero may need to slay could be the invisible dragons of mounting stress within.
What to do? The first thing to do is to acknowledge that such stress over time is detrimental to body, mind, soul, and relationships. How do you know if stress is at a critical level? Here are the symptoms of stress from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) in the context of the current pandemic, and applies to stress in other contexts too:
- Feelings of fear, anger, sadness, worry, numbness, or frustration
- Changes in appetite, energy, desires, and interests
- Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
- Difficulty sleeping or nightmares
- Physical reactions: headaches, body pain, stomach problems, rashes
- Worsening of chronic health problems
- Worsening of mental health conditions
- Increased use of tobacco, alcohol, and other substances
These are CDC’s healthy ways to cope when symptoms arise:
- Take breaks from news stories, including those on social media
- Take care of your body
- Make time to unwind
- Connect with others: talk with someone you trust
- Connect with your community
- AND: If you are in crisis, get immediate help: call 911 (Adapted from the CDC, see: Mental Health and Coping During COVID-19)
Heroes do extraordinary things. We can give something extraordinary back to them by showing support and love. You will be a hero to them when you do.